my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
