Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
