I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
