she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
