I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
