She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
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Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
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Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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