we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
