I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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