soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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