So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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