I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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