First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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