Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
