were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
