Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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