I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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