he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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