Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
