Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
