ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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