I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
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I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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