I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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