I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
