SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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