Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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