he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
