He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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