One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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