bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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