He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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