Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
