I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
