im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
