I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
