Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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