Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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