Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
