I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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