By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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