Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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