You're a womanizer and a bitch.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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