According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
