Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
