I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
