yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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