Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
