Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Randomize
