If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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