I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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