Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
