I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
