when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
