I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Sext me about skeletons
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
