my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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