I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Randomize
