420 ftw
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
