I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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