pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Damn victory sex feels great
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
