I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
