so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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