I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
