You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Randomize
