don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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