We named our party play list daddy issues
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
you're hired as official boob wrangler
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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