i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
