"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
