Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
