I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
