How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
