wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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