This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
