Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
